Parenting: parenting style conflict

My friend is a great person. However, our parenting styles are totally different. She allows her kids to do as they wish and I tend to be more structured. As friends we get along great but as parents we don't see eye to eye. I'm now concerned that my daughter will begin to behave as her children do. Yikes!! Any thoughts??

Deemara- I have 2 children a boy and girl. They are completely opposite of each other and I use different parenting styles on each of them because they are so different from each other. Many of my friends use different parenting styles that my children are exposed to and it seems my children adjust to what I expect of them rather than what others allow their children to do. Some of my friends kids are bad influences and some of my friends are bad influences on my kids but communication is key!! It takes a lot of time and patience to teach my children what I feel is appropriate and not appropriate. For example, a friend of mine allows her daughter to swear in front of her and anyone actually, I do not allow mine to! I'm sure they do w/their friends but not w/me! Another friend thinks school is stupid so she doesn't care if her kids succeed in school or not so her kids are almost always failing out and thinking up all kinds of reasons to not go to school and their mother is ok w/that! I'm not! I think school and education are important! This same friend lets her oldest son drink on occasion and smoke even though he's only 17. UH UH! No way would I allow my kids to! I mean if they do they do but they certainly won't be allowed to w/me or w/my permission! The difference is I discuss with my chilren why/why not I think certain things are inappropriate and it works! Your daughter might pick up some stuff from other kids that you won't like but your conversations w/her will mean more than what she sees other kids doing!

Each of us has our own parenting style that is unique to our particular personality characteristics and philosophies on how children should be raised. Generally, these styles encompass some basic ideas on discipline, relationship building, and expectations. Often our parenting styles are greatly influenced by those we experienced at the hands of our own parents when we were children. We are likely to incorporate into our own style some aspects of our parents' styles. For example, most of us have had the experience of finding ourselves repeating key phrases our parents used, or maybe employing a disciplinary technique that is most familiar to us. At the same time, we might develop a parenting style that seems to be the opposite of those of our parents', especially if we feel there was something objectionable or ineffective in their style. Whichever the case, it is helpful for each of us to examine our own particular style and see if it is effective in leading our children toward the desired goals of developing healthy, autonomous, productive and responsible adults who are also capable of participating in close relationships. That's my 2 cents.

Its been my experience Deemara that our children already have the foundation that we gave them. They will behave one way for us and our rules and possilby another way for another person who's rules are different. Kids adapt and compensate much better than we as adults do to changes and differences. Ahh its great to be a kid!!

I don't think you have anything to worry about, just explain to your kids that when you are together with your friends kids and they are allowed to do something against your wishes, that they must abide by your set family rules. I am sure they will try to test the waters, but will adapt.