Relationships: Absentee Husband

Ok, here's the deal. I have been married to a really good man for 5 years, relationship for about 8. He has two children from a previous marriage who he has custody of. We decided to take the step to have our own child and I am now 8 1/2 months pregnant. When I was 7 months, he took a job that leaves him out of town literally every week all week. As I get increasingly bigger and tired, I am feeling increasingly resentful of him and his "career." He told me there was nothing he could do about this job, but I can't help but feel how it is unfair that his responsibilities have all become solely mine on top of being pregnant. I feel as if it is really unfair of him to put me in this position...I know that when I married him, I agreed to help in raising the children and that there was more responsiblity that being married to a person without children, but I did not expect to be the sole caretaker of his children 80% of the time whilst being pregnant with another. I am hurt and confused. I feel like I want to leave him sometimes and I feel like the mere fact that he took this job has tainted the way I view him and the respect I used to have for him....I feel like any venting I do about this also falls on deaf ears. Am I being selfish? Should I be more upset that I am? I dont know....

Dana,
I started out with a lot but I'm no good with message boards.

You are not alone. I am in the same situation as you. Except, I just tied my tubes. :)

Congratulations on your new baby. This time should be about you and your new baby. Please find a good network of women around you that will help you with the children and your needs.

I have four children. Two of my own, two step children. My husband has been gone the majority of three years. He has residential custody where their mother is in another state. We have gone through two custody battles and won. I won't get into details with that. But it was stressful.

I agree with you that it is frustrating. I have felt on too many ocasions that I have been abandoned and used. I think he's good at talking the talk but he's even better at sitting on the fence.

I wish there weren't so many step mothers out there that are the primary care takers. I don't understand it sometimes. It angers and flusters me. Trying to keep the perspective on what is real is difficult when your feelings are in the way.

I just feel that the children did not choose to be without their biological parent. And, by me being visibly angry or resentful of my husband or placing blame on the parents for not being there for the kids is not teaching them rational coping or relationship skills. I am their only role model and it's up to me to set the stage of a stable and loving home.

Some days I fall miserably, other days I do well.

I hope you find some kind of comfort knowing that you are doing a great thing for your step children. I can say I have thought many times about leaving and the thought still crosses my mind often when times get very strained. All I know is I'm staying for now.

I'm tired of being alone. But at least I know I'm not alone.

Keep your chin up. Sleep when your baby does. Find good women who will help you.