Parenting: HOW DO YOU TELL SOMEONE.............

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    MY HUSBAND AND I RECENTLY MOVED TO COLORADO (ARMY) WITH OUR 2 YR OLD. WE MET SOME PEOPLE AT AN FRG MEETING AND OUR HUSBANDS LEFT FOR IRAQ. I BECAME PRETTY GOOD FRIENDS WITH THE GIRL, AND SHE'S GOT 2 KIDS HERSELF. I DON'T WANT TO BRAGG, BUT I HAVE A PRETTY WELL MANNERED LITTLE BOY. I AM NOTICING THAT HE IS STARTING TO ACT UP LATELY, AND I KNOW KIDS WILL BE KIDS, BUT HE ONLY ACTS THIS WAY WHEN HE'S AROUND THEM, OR HAS RECENTLY BEEN AROUND THEM. I FEEL LIKE I MAY POSSIBLY LOOSE OTHER FRIENDS DUE TO THIS ISSUE. HOW DO I TELL HER IN A NICE WAY THAT I DON'T WANT MY SON AROUND HER KIDS BECAUSE OF HOW ROUDY AND UN-DISCIPLINED HER KIDS ARE? I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM BEING HER FRIEND, BUT I DON'T WANT MY SON AROUND HER KIDS. WHAT DO I DO, AND HOW DO I DO IT IN A NICE WAY? I MEAN WE ARE MILITARY WIVES AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO STICK TOGETHER AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER, BUT I DON'T WANT TO LOOSE OTHER FRIENDS WHO I AM CLOSER TO BECAUSE MY CHILD STARTS A HITTING, THROWING, OR EVEN KICKING FEST. PLEASE HELP!!!
    • CommentAuthorlava
    • said   CommentTimeJune 25th, 2007
     
    Proundarmywife,
    I'm not so sure I would give up on them so fast. No matter where you go in this world you are surrounded by the same. I think the important thing is to praise your son for all of his good behavior and to ignore his bad. Anytime you see bad behavior, praise your son for not doing the same before he even thinks about trying it himself. If you feel his behavior is so bad that it can't be ignored, sit him down and talk to him about how bad it really is. Make sure you talk to him for a long time too. LOL. This works wonders. My daughter will be 16 in a week. I am amazed at how well behaved she has been over the years. This was how I raised her. She loves the compliments and really takes a lot of pride in doing good things as a result of it. Kids crave attention whether it be bad or good. I have to say that even if my daughter were to turn sour now, I still have 16 years under my belt of an awesome child. No complaints at all. If she ever asked why, I sat her down and talked to her for a long time about whatever she needed to know. The questions became less and less over the years. Even if you feel it's hard to notice anything your son is doing to praise. Look harder even for the smaller things. The more you praise him for his good the more he will crave your praises.
  3.  
    Proud, I would stop bringing your son around her kids. You can talk on the phone and still have contact with her,without your son being around them. And if you have to have your son around them try to talk to your son before you go over there. That always seems to work. Let him know that those kids are bad and he is not to act like them, then maybe give him a bowl of ice cream when you get home or something he really likes.
  4.  
    I think rewarding children with food is horrible. And what is Proud going to do when it's time for her son to go to school? Keep him out? They can't keep him sheltered, right?
    • CommentAuthorNAPAGIRL175
    • said   CommentTimeJune 26th, 2007
     
    I think rewarding them is good! Right now is when they will learn and if you reward them they will know they did good.
    • CommentAuthorBris03
    • said   CommentTimeJune 26th, 2007
     
    If I were in your shoes- which where i work i am a lot- from experiance- try and to Supervise the kids playing together- when you see you son even start to act up- poliety ask him to "play nice", "use your manners", if that does not work excuse yourselfs from the playdate and let the mother know that it only seems to be her children he gets that way with- you would like to continue to be her friend- but you can not have your child act out this way at home you have certain rules. And those rules stand even outside of the home. its tough being a parent of a son- they are a huge blessing and have free spirits- but even the toughest boys have to be harnessed! There is a time and a place to roudy- but they have to remember to use there manners.
  7.  
    I dont think rewarding your children is bad but it is how you do it. It dont always have to be with food it can be with a number of things. If you dont teach the kids early in life that is how they are going to be when they get older. And I agree with lava talk to them too I have a 17 old and i talked to her a lot,but i also rewarded her too.
    • CommentAuthorventer1
    • said   CommentTimeJune 26th, 2007
     
    I agree that rewarding your children is good with praises, a day at the park, stickers or something. But not with food. I think that could lead to weight issues along with becoming lazy.
  9.  
    Bris03 i agree,and when i said with icecream it was just a thought sorry I was so wrong with that. But i do agree with rewarding your kids.
    • CommentAuthordeemara
    • said   CommentTimeJune 28th, 2007
     
    Proud, I am in the same boat. I have a dear friend that I really enjoy being around but her kids are out of control. I too noticed a change in my daughter after being around them and then came here, to vent swap and asked "what should I do?"
    The advice I got is working well. If I bring her along, I keep an eye on their behavior and activities and if things start getting out of hand, I call her over and distract her with something else to do. Then when she's behaving I praise her to no avail. She really does want to "make mommy happy" so I can't say enough "good girls" and "that was great sharing" and "you made mommy proud tonight"
    I have cut down the visits to once every couple of weeks and increased the phone conversations. WoW! What a difference. I hope this helps for you too. Good Luck and let us know. ***fingers crossed***

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