-
- CommentAuthorstarling
- said CommentTimeApril 11th, 2007
Just over 2 weeks ago my partner of 5 years told me she needed to end the relationship, that she was interested in someone else and wanted to end with me before moving on.
The person she likes is in our local pub (one of the very few places i feel safe to venture to) and at the moment i feel like everyone but me knows who this woman is.
She also said our relationship was difficult for her because i wouldnt go out socialising with her friends, wouldnt have any sexual intimacy with her beyond the lust stage. All thats true. We became companions because i have such low self esteem i feared my body would disgust her, felt too fat ugly old and not good enuff for my partner to be around her friends.
I want to be this adult who finds a way to wish eachother well and deals with my hurt without hurting others, I'm struggling!
Initially I felt the pain but totally understood that she was at a space where she needed more than i could offer. I support her in this happiness 100% but the other woman part turns me into a reactive time bomb, i send my ex horrid texts, threaten to attack the woman when i find out who she is (im terrified i will do this)
I got drunk thurs and fri in the pub and slept with an ex (she has been a close friend for 5 years) friday night, i have no recall of how sex happened only that i kept starting and stopping, even getting up to make coffee and sit in the living room playing music.
This woman wants to be with me, and im not sure if i clearly know if i want that too.
today my ex called to arrange collection of some of her stuff, i was calm apologised for the crap texts and threats. As soon as it got to the other woman i blew again, throwing at her every nasty vile hurtful thing i could. told her i was seeing someone else, that i'd cheated on her throughout our relationship. she was totally destroyed.
Sickening thing is thats when i feel better, stronger. and so the vicious circle goes round and round
can anyone relate, understand, offer feedback? -
- CommentAuthorlava
- said CommentTimeApril 15th, 2007
Hi Starling!
Have you ever heard a woman say "I am so fat" and she's only 110 lbs.? Just because this is how she sees herself, does not mean it's true. Your partner was proud enough to expose you to her friends. What you feel are your flaws, could be the very things that attracted her to you in the first place. If you deny her of the real you, then the relationship is false anyway. Everyone has great qualities. Find yours and make them shine. The more time you focus on your great qualities, the less time you will have to see anything negative. Confidence I feel is very attractive.
I would be way more attracted to someone who is less fortunate in looks that has great qualities than someone who is great looking and has poor qualities.
As far as your partner goes, let her go! I'm not saying there is any hope for this relationship at this point, but if there is, lashing out will not accomplish anything. It will only make her run away faster. Expose your great qualities to her and everyone around you from now on. You and they deserve to see you in a positive way. Make her realize what she will be missing out on. If she doesn't, then it's her loss and it wasn't meant to be.
I hope my opinion helps. Keep me posted -
- CommentAuthorkittEcatt
- said CommentTimeApril 29th, 2007
Dear Starling,
I totally understand! I have been seperated from my husband of 15 yrs for almost 3 yrs now. 9 months ago I asked him to come home and try to make our family a family again. I found out that there has been someone else and that SHE is what keeps him from committing to his family again. I keep telling myself I am better than him and I deserve better. But I find that I can't get him out of my mind and it drives me absolutely crazy. I send her nasty emails, texts and voicemails, trying to reach him. When he does call me I blow up and then regret it as soon as I hang up. I keep trying to convince myself to let him go. But it is just so damn hard. I know I could find someone else if I would just allow myself to. But I just can't let go. I am relocating myself and my children from NY to Florida to try and get over this man and move on with my life. But I do understand your rage you feel whenever you think about the other woman. I too feel that rage and it makes me sick to my stomach to the point that I lost almost 60 lbs in less than 4 months. But there has got to be someone for us out there. We won't find them if we keep holding onto a love that isn't there.
Good luck! You and I both deserve better. It's out there waiting for you and I both!!!
KittEcatt -
- CommentAuthorlava
- said CommentTimeMay 12th, 2007
Good point KittEcatt. It's so amazing how we are capable of getting caught up in someone else's world to the point of forgetting who we are anymore. It's time for us to start remembering what we are all about. -
- CommentAuthorLiz Mann
- said CommentTimeMay 17th, 2007
Power to the Woman!! We do not need a MAN/partner to validate who we are as women. It is important to remember we make our own life as we go...Not someone else's existence. Rejection is a very hard emotion to understand and get over. It can make you feel worthless, however it is important to remember that only we can make ourselves feel this way. I wish all of you the best of luck. And please remember, You are worth love, kindness and committment. -
- CommentAuthorphilly
- said CommentTimeOctober 1st, 2007
To Kittecatt,
I am not what kept him from you. You knew that we were together last summer. That is when you wanted him back. He chose to stay with me. He missed the kids ans want to see them, that is why he is in Florida with you right now. He will be back in NY again. Him and I have a bond together. It is OUR daughter. He loves her and misse her just like your kids. He spent the past 4 months at my house with me and her. I don't know what he told you. He didn't call you those times because we had FAMILY time. Regardless I will always be apart of his life because we have a daughter. You need ot stop blaming me for what he does. He makes his own decisions and I ALWAYS told him to go to you if that is what he wanted, He told me that he never thought he could love someone as much as you until he met me. You hurt him by leaving him, you did this to yourself. -
- CommentAuthorbogtab
- said CommentTimeOctober 7th, 2007
So she left him not vice versa? Or where you two already seeing each other before they split?
To the OP: It sounds like the real issue is your self esteem. Maybe you need to forget about who you are with right now and concentrate and being happy with yourself. -
- CommentAuthorphilly
- said CommentTimeOctober 9th, 2007
No I was not seeing him. We met after they had split up. He has been with me for 3 years last month. She really found out about me last summer. For her not to have known that there was another girl she is niave as hell. He would tell her that he was staying with friends. Fo 2 years, ya right! I had his daughter in May which was not planned. She knew that I was pregnant and wants him even more. I understand that they were together since high school but things change. I would never fool with an attached man. They were SEPERATED and she had her place and he lived with me. What he told her, O dont know but I am not to blame for him not going back or their split up. He has jumped back and forth to much and is lying to both of us. He is now with her in Florida but continues to call me. I have gotten rid of all of his things. My daughter does not have to go through life wondering if her dad will be here when she gets home from school like their kids. He will grow up one day and when he does he still has these kids that he has hurt and I am not going to be here waiting. He wants his cake and to eat it too. Good luck to them both and hopefully she will relize that I am not to blame. That he is a grown man and wil make his own decisions. My daoor was always open for him to leave and didn't. He misses his son terribly. She moved supposedly to move away from him but she called him everyday when she left. I don't know where she thinks he was, but he was with me and taking care of our daughter. whatever it may be. Goodl uck, I have the best part of him. -
- CommentAuthorbogtab
- said CommentTimeOctober 20th, 2007
Sounds complicated. It also sounds like the other woman just wants what she can't have but when there are kids involved, people should be able put their own desires in the background and do what is best for the child. Either way, is this guy just leading you both on and having the best of both worlds? Don't let him play you, is all I can say. -
- CommentAuthorkittEcatt
- said CommentTimeDecember 17th, 2007
The only reason she is even on this site is because she is a stalker!!! She thinks I go on here so she has to also. I don't want his sorry ass. I found a much better man. I wanted him to leave. I told him to leave. I do not need someone that won't work and treats me like crap and lies. You can have all of that. Oh and by the way...he told his kids he'd be back after Christmas. He is NOT welcome back here. You are just keeping him there by giving him drugs and feeding his habit. He goes to you because he has no where else to go there. He calls you a whore and says fuck you. He called me and texted me every day. When I didn't text him he was upset. I have not even gotten a phone or internet because I don't want him contacting me. Also, he has 2 daughters with me not just a son! You always seem to forget that. Stop going on my profiles, stop emailing my kids and stop trying to get my address!!! I don't want anything to do with you or him and your games. I came here so he can't bounce back and forth. I don't want him back. But you say that too and where is he? In your bed. YOU can be his fool now. Enjoy that baby while you guys can, and him too. Surprises are right around the corner for all 3 of you!!! That is my Christmas Gift to you both.
